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Monday, May 19, 2008 ; 6:29 PM {♥}

i wonder why the hell am i born into such a stupid idiotic family.. i wish i dun have parents like them.. it's almost like i'm on my own.. i come home, i face ppl who i talk to and yet seldom answer me.. so why would i bother to talk to them? now you know why i dun like to go home.. once i go home, i haven even change out of my uniform and she just asked me to do this and that -.- i mean wtf? i can't even have time to do my own things ma.. zzzz..

and i deftinely hate hoildays.. i wish there are no hoildays forever.. i rather have sch for the rest of my life.. because in sch, i still have my friends whom i can talk and laugh with.. like at home ,i can't even communicate with them.. ppl have family day.. and yet mine, bullshit.. weekends, they go for karaoke.. and public hoildays, we rot at home.. wtf?!

it makes me damn pissed off when i talk to them and they dun answer me.. so now i learn.. when they talk to me, i dun answer them.. it's like i wan to buy laptop bag and my thumbdrive.. cos my thumbdrive space abit small.. and everything he also like dun wan buy for me -.- i ask him bring me go bugis buy, he nv answer me.. zz.. cbk lor.. like that the mouth for wad.. go sew up ur mouth la.. den forever no need to answer ppl le..

and it's like i'm already going to be 18.. and yet they controls me so much -.- cos like i was playing laptop till 1 plus ytd.. and she say wad who ask you play until so late. and confiscates modem.. zz.. den i complained.. i take computer course, cannot always use computer.. dun study la.. i should have taken accounting sia! den i say if teacher ask me why i nv do my online assessment, i just say oh my modem kena confiscated.. so i got no internet, den cannot do lo.. and this morning she return.. zzz.. lame shit luhs..

and have you ever heard of ppl feel closer to friends than family? oh, maybe i'm the only one that feels that way ba.. because i realise i cannot communicate with my family.. when i tell my mum things, she will go around telling my aunties or her friends.. zzz.. shouldn't parents keep secret of wad their kids tell them? zzz..

go ahead, critise me..i dun give a damn.. ITE is it's the end.. i dun give a fuck.. even if i can't marry well, its non of your business.. go care about ur wonderful and smart son who is in express.. go ahead.. you still didn't have to say me until liddat.. things like i dun wan to study is my problem.. go ite is my problem.. next time she is marry out.. you different.. you need to earn money to support ur wife.. wtf is wrong with her man! hello, come on, i failed only sci.. and wad actually happened.. you didn't wan to let me tution my sci because you say it was too expensive.. execuse me, wad can you expect from a 1 to 1 tution? and i passed my N level sci also thanks to my tution teacher alright.. den you all dun wan let me continue.. zz.. den fail, you all blame me.. actually i already noe will have such a day le.. zz..

ah forget it.. i actually feel like dying right now! i can't stand a single bullshit in this family anymore.. i find that this 'family' is just a place for me to stay.. i can no longer feel any more love and warmth.. and sometimes i actually wonder if i am her nautral born child.. or am i just an adopted child.. thats why i am treated so unfairly.. just like cinderilla..

thats it man! i will prove to you that even if i can't marry well, i will still survive well.. i dun need to depend on u all.. i can depend on myself.. even if i decided to stay single forever and not get married, i can still support myself.. you dun need to worry about me.. go worry about ur wonderful son with fantastic results.. let him have the best and everything.. go ahead.. he's the one who will carry ur surname down to the next generation.. you dun need to give a fuck about me anymore.. not anymore..

and i actually dreamt that i was dying in the hospital.. so cool.. wouldn't it be better if i was dead? things would be so much simplier and they wouldn't have so much trouble on me.. they could just worry about their precious son.. and no one else..

and i find that my friend's parents actually treat me better than how you guys treat me..say sinnee, her parents even celebrated birthday for me that time.. wad did you all even do? nv even open bbq or smt for me.. all i had was cake and birthday song? zzz.. and say candice.. her parents ever bought me out for dinner.. say jingyi.. her parents ever cooked for me.. and ask me to stay and eat.. see, they treat me so much better than you guys..

and i hope that everyday is a school day man! i wonder how am i going to survive the june hoildays? zzz.. and thus i'm and i've been in a freaking bad mood for the whole day -.-

there's no one i can rely on.. no one i can fall back on..

& words that could change everything are left unspoken. {♥}

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